Thread:Zergrinch/@comment-24801547-20140421052243/@comment-1038387-20140425094852

It's got some minor improvements, but a long way to go. You also seem to misunderstand the premise of the timestamps.

For my tastes, you focus too much on action and run-on dialogue and too little on building the environment. Write a bit more creatively.

Also, while I'll accept that this is fanon and you can do what you please, YJ Beast Boy was not a member of the Teen Titans (or the Doom Patrol) before the Team - the Team is essentially the Teen Titans in anything but the name.